My dad has been in and out of my life since I was 2. I’ve only met him a few times.

He’s been in jail most of my life for drugs. He just recently got out. I’m so afraid to make him apart of my life, because i’m afraid he’ll end up back in jail.

Just like my dad, my mom also had a drug/alcohol problem when I was younger.

I was homeless for the first 2 years of my life.

I’ve moved around so much, but I don’t mind, I like to go new places, and starting over.

I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depression, Social Anexity, Slight Bi-polar disorder, and Insomnia.

My moms ex-boyfriend used to hit me, scream at me, spit on me, and burn me with cigarettes, thats where most of my scars come from. I tell everyone I picked my scabs.

My mom stayed with him even after she knew he did all those things.

My mom was going to abort me, but my dad convinced her not to. I wish he didn’t.

I liked a boy once. I told him I didin’t like him anymore, so that I could date a girl.

I’ve been dealing with a cutting problem for 3 years. I’m addicted.

My best friend deicided that drugs, sex, and alcohol were more important then me.

She proved to me that everyone will leave eventually.

I was molested when I was 8.

I hate my body.

I’m fat, I have bad acne, and bad teeth, among many other ugly physical features.

I’ve been contemplating suicide since I was 11. I’m now 15.

The one girl I feel hardest for, lead me on for 11 monthes.

I lost my virginity to someone I didn’t like at all. I regret it so much.

I don’t know why i’m here, theres absolutley nothing special about me.

I try so hard to be happy.
But I know I will never be happy, no matter how hard I try.
So for now, I just wear this fake smile.

Unlike most of the people on here. i do not have any guts to post a video because i am scared if people from school will see so i would like to stay anon.

but here it goes.

im 15 and a sophomore in high school.

i hate feeling weak. i refuse to cry in front of people so i usually do it before i sleep or while i shower. i also cannot watch my friends cry because i have no way of comforting them because i have never felt comforted like that.

i have lost two best friends since i started high school last year. i feel as if i am going to end up with none eventually. they chose to stop talking to me and i will never be told why.

seeing them post pictures on facebook with their friends and friends they left me to be with instead causes me to break down.

the worst part is one of them was a guy and i liked him for the longest time and i did get over it but never said anything because i knew nothing would happen. with him ending our almost 3 year friendship kills me inside.

i hate my body. i thinks it not proportional and just gross. i go to the gym everyday and make sure i eat less but try to stay healthy. 

people know me for being my brothers sister. which is good because i meet knew people and gain some friends, but bad because i know some of them like him more even if they only met him once and he doesnt even go to high school anymore.

i tend to be the girl who believes in fairytales and happily ever afters but some part of me knows i will never experience it. i have created a little second life which i call my fake future when i am alone and talk to myself and the people in that fake life.

i always am the planner with my friends but it seems like they always have something better to do then just spend sometime with me.

i have never had a legit boyfriend or hookedup. which makes me wonder if i ever will and if they see me like i see myself in the mirror, ugly and pathetic.

i love my family, but they never seem to understand me. my brother and i are the first ones to be born in the US and they just dont understand how hard it is being a teenager around the stuck up people in school and how we cant be like they were, which apparently was perfect.

i know i cant complain because so many people go through much more terrible things in life, but i just wish things were the same in 8th grade. best friends. always happy. and not criticizing myself whenever possible.

i laugh and smile whenever i can just because when people think im happy it makes me a little happier inside. and i just love smiling and making others smile.